I’m exhausted. We’re all exhausted here.
Not from school, not from housework, not even from all the grade seven math homework that’s been coming home. It’s my son. He hasn’t slept a full night in over three weeks and I’m having post-traumatic stress disorder flare-ups and flashbacks from his babyhood, when his daily sleep could only be measured on an atomic clock.
He inadvertently watched a horror movie trailer on TV. It was at a friend’s house, and entirely by accident. And it was on the cartoon channel. Whatever the cause, what it means now is that I am likely to never sleep more than 3 hours a night ever again.
The first night that he couldn’t sleep, he tried to explain to me what it was that was keeping him awake. He referred to the monsters as “vampires.” Based on his descriptions of their appearance and behaviour, I corrected him, saying that they actually sounded much more like chimeras, or zombies, or some species of shape-shifters even.
I thought I was on to something because the crying stopped and was replaced by wide-eyed wonder, so I continued.
Besides, even if they were vampires, he understood that when they came in at night they were just there to bite him right? I mean, it’s not like he was going to die, or anything.
SO CAN WE ALL JUST GET TO SLEEP NOW?
He didn’t seem comforted by my reassurances.
So here we are, post-viewing week two, and we have implemented a new bedtime routine which essentially goes like this:
- Enjoy a heavy, rich dinner
- Warm bath with calming aromatherapy essential oils
- Soft music
- Dim lights
- Lavender incense piped throughout the house
- Foot rub
- I fall asleep on the living room floor and he plays with his Lego until midnight.
Then I’ll wake up when poked in the throat to take apart two bricks stuck together with dried chocolate milk. I’ll tuck him into bed with promises, bribes, and deals of any means necessary to get him to “Please, for the love of sweet Jesus just stay in your own bed for the night!”
The promise of a new Lego set wasn’t even doing the trick. So I’ve upped the ante.
Tomorrow he gets to drive to the car to school.
Even though it really isn’t funny, I laughed out loud reading your post! I know just how you feel, really. I forget what it feels like to stretch out in a bed that isn’t occupied by a tiny child and to sleep deeply without the fearl of rolling over and squishing a baby. You’re not alone…but I know that knowing that doesn’t do shit to make you feel better.
Thanks, Nicole. I need to laugh about it, or I’d be crying.
Sobbing, really.
…I’m so tired…
The thing that got my son was a video game at the movie theater that was called Zombie Attack or some crap like that. He had nightmares for about two weeks. He was with a friend. I considered letting him stay over at the friends house and letting his mom deal with it until it passed, but God only knows what else he might have exposed to.
Sigh.
I thought my 11 year old girl was mature enough to handle a few zombies, I mean she reads 25 books a week and there’s got to be tons of scary stuff in them, right? (I wouldn’t know because I’m too scared to read any of them). So I suggested we watch Zombieland together, it’s a pg movie and I’m supposed to be a ‘P’, and it will be a bonding experience, what could go wrong? So she watched the whole movie with a blanket pulled up to her chin, isn’t that how all girls watch horror movies? Well, when it was over it was time for her to go to bed, except it wasn’t, ever again. Now I’ll never look at another zombie without asking, ‘why did you take my sleep?’.
My youngest son rarely slept. His pattern would be stay awake all night long every night for 2 straight weeks and then sleep an entire weekend. I remember how exhausted I was …
I hope you get some sleep soon.
Small boy here has decided to worry about bears. Lengthy discussions about bear habitat (NOT the inner city!) unhelpful, but he is enormously reassured by the information that grizzly bears are afraid of house cats.
I wonder if that would work for vampires?
We’re just leaving the baby wakes in the night phase for child #1. Child #2 has an unholy fascination for dinosaur-type documentaries. So far no nightly wake-ups from those. Although he has expressed fears of volcanoes and meteors. We’re going to try and hold off on the zombie movies for a while (knock on wood)! For now we just discuss why there are no monsters in our city and a nightly check under the bed to be sure seems to be working.
I admire your matter-of-fact explanation of vampires. And I can sympathize with both you and your son. I saw Trilogy of Terror when I was around seven and my bed is on a platform to this day because of it. When my nephew was four, he walked in while The Shining was on and inadvertently saw the lady in the bathtub scene. He’s thirteen now and still won’t go into a bathroom with the shower curtain closed.