‘A Boy and his Hamster’ doesn’t have the same ring…

My kids want a dog.

These two want a dog like it’s the only thing standing between them and an eternal state of candy-filled, no-set-bedtime, everyday-is-a-snow-day happiness. They want a dog so badly that people now use them as a reference for wanting something badly. For instance, one could say that a man lost in the desert wants water “like Jeni’s kids want a dog” and people would immediately get the reference.

This week my kids are getting a lesson in dog ownership. We are ‘dog sitting’ my sister’s puppy while she is on vacation. Right now K is on the beach, downing Tequila Sunrises in humongous hollowed out pineapples and laughing about how I am probably standing in six inches of snow waiting for her anal retentive dog with performance anxiety to just go already on my lawn.

She would be wrong.  There is at least a foot of snow outside.

Watching this dog is exhausting. I haven’t picked up this much crap or had to be home to let something out of a cage since my kids were babies.

And now, just 3 days in, I’m questioning whether or not I would be a good pet owner. Yesterday the dog just stared me while I was trying to get some work done. “You’re going to need to find something to do,” I said. “Do you like playdough? Or Nerf guns? We have all the Ninja Turtle movies…” None of my suggestions were working.

It seems that apart from peeing on the bathroom floor, this dog has very little in common with the people I normally care for. I’ve always believed that if you are not equipped for indoor plumbing or can’t eat a sandwich handed to you through a take-out window, you shouldn’t live here.

But – and I’m showing a chink in my ‘NO DOGS ALLOWED’ armor here - I love walking into a room to find our little visitor wearing a Bakugan pajama shirt and napping in an elaborate couch cushion fort/dog castle, all courtesy of the boy who at one time was capable of creating metaphysical wormholes with the force of his screaming.

My daughter now agrees that properly taking care of a dog involves a lot of time and commitment. On one of our many walks with the dog she finally admitted as much.  “There is so much you have to do when you have a dog.”

“I know. I’ve been telling you it’s not easy.” 

“But he’s so cute! And I like playing with him.”

“You know there’s a lot more to it than that, right?”

“Yeah, I know. But I still want one.”

We walked a bit further. The dog eventually did what dogs do, and I handed my daughter a clean-up bag. She groaned. “Did you ever want something so badly, but then, once you finally get it you realize it was way harder and more work than you thought it was going to be? “

Yes; I have had that feeling. 

Twice.