Tuesday was my first day back at school for the winter semester. I should have gone back Monday, but I read the start date on my schedule as 10/01/11 and my brain told me, “Jeni, you go back to school on January the 11th. Make sure you wear pants.” My brain is smart enough to remind me to wear pants, but not smart enough to notice that the actual date is January 10th, 2011. I really need to start wearing a helmet when I ride my bike.
In the class I remembered to go to today, the Professor asked our small group of 20 or so to introduce ourselves. I won’t relay them all, but here are some approximate statistics:
- 6 students are applying to a graduate program, after which they will likely apply to teacher’s college
- 7 students are applying directly to a Teacher’s college
- 1 student had a really wrinkly neck, muffin top and corn chips in her teeth, and is now seriously re-evaluating her plans to apply to teacher’s college
Here’s a typical introduction:
“Hi. I am a fourth year English major, minoring in bio-medical sciences. I spent the last semester abroad where I compiled a detailed thesis on the complete works of every great modern author. I also just returned from a winter holiday at a health spa retreat in the Mediterranean– that’s why my hair is so shiny, and I have a youthful glow. After graduation I have been accepted to Graduate School with a full scholarship. I belong to Greenpeace, PETA, the Student Council, play forward on the soccer team, write for the University Newspaper, head up the local Amnesty International Chapter and play bass and keyboards in a band. I organize the annual food bank drive to feed the homeless and I am looking forward to what this year brings!”
Then she did a cart-wheel.
My introduction was slightly less stellar:
“Hi. I’m Jeni. I don’t understand metric , skinny jeans, or what ‘bio-medical’ means. I own several pairs of brightly coloured velour pants. I forget what year I am at in my program here, but I think it’s eleventy-four. I spent my Christmas break learning Bakugan attributes forcibly at the hands of a tyrant in a Transformers housecoat, pulling Lego out of the vacuum cleaner and giving CPR to a wet hamster. My 6-year-old son has started getting up at 2am every morning and that’s why the bags under my eyes are darker than my future employment prospects. The last things I read were “Franklin gets a Friend” and the Poison Control Centre pamphlet. After graduation I will be wondering how many overtime shifts at Tim Horton’s I will need to work to pay off my student loan. I kick ass at Rockband vocals and haven’t dusted my house since ‘Friends’ went off the air. (That was a show with Courtney Cox before she moved to Cougartown.) This morning I told my son there were no chocolate chip muffins left and then ate the last four of them in the bathroom with the tap running.”
They smiled and nodded. They’re polite, these kids.
They’re also optimistic, assured, confident, and young. They are bright-eyed, energetic and enthusiastic. They have their entire lives ahead of them and they deserve every opportunity the work they do here brings forth.
How the hell am I going to compete with that?
They make me feel old.
But I truly do want them to have all the best life has to offer.
I also want to kick them in their well-toned-skinny-jean-clad-tropical-vacation-tanned-shins.
Don’t they give credits there for “life experience?”
You would totally wreck the curve.
Just remember that you don’t rely on mom and dad any more. There is something to be said for knowing how you are going to pay your own bills, study in your own living room and drive away in your own car. You’ve already had your reality check – they will have their rude awakening soon enough. (And I’m quite sure you’ll make the best grades in the class!)
- Emily
OMG this had me literally crying with laughter. I can relate a little too closely!
Omg Jeni, thanks for the laugh, I needed it this morning. You are doing great! Keep up the good work.
Ugh.
This would be so funny if it weren’t so my life.
I hate feeling like an old lady, saddle bags rocking those skinny jeans that are unskinny jeans on me.
As they say, “if these are called skinny jeans, then why do they make me look so fat?”
But you did it… you went back to school. The fact that I’m now in my 30′s is holding me back from finishing my degree. Well, that and the fact I’ve changed my major 3 times. So, before I go back again I think I should at least narrow down a field.
You’re my hero. And remember, being in a class full of young ‘ins just keeps you younger. Right?
What a great writer you are. I absolutely loved this post. HAHA.
I’ve been feeling kinda down since I’ve realized I’m getting older, and been experiencing what i call pre-menopause . It’s a book called, 40+ and Fabulous, by Sondra Wright and it reminds me a lot of this post, because it is so witty and smart all in one package.
I think if you’re going through what I’m going through, and I’m not saying you are but you in general, then you might enjoy this book as much as I did. It’s worth a read that’s fore sure!
And I’m sure you will do fine you are amazing and I can relate to the feeling you have.
I found a website to Sondra Wright’s book 40+ and Fabulous I thought I would share.
http://www.fortyplusandfabulous.com
enjoy!
Thanks, Crissy! I’ll put it on my library list.
You’ve been quoted!
http://qoddessquotesblogs.blogspot.com/2011/01/quotes-january-23-2011.html
I haven’t laughed so hard in my life! I’m living the same life, feeling like an old person even though I’m not yet 40. Punk kids!
This post is just laugh out loud funny. I can relate to eating the muffins in the bathroom with the water running.