Do not operate under the influence of alcohol
Lately I have been having some serious hair issues. “Lately” meaning the last 30 or so years. See that picture of me over there, to the right of this text? Not bad hair wise, right? That photo is over 4 years old and I have had one haircut since. I never paid more than $6 for a hair colour either, which just seems smart (frugal even) until you consider that I spend on average twice that per week for donuts. What I’d really like is to have hair the colour of a maple dipped donut, but realistically speaking, I’m currently more of a day-old clearance rack chocolate glazed.
My eleven year old daughter likes the same salon in town that I used to visit, but now whenever I dial their number, it’s to make appointments for her. She can afford it – she still has baby teeth she can pull out when she needs a quick five dollars. And she’s an expert extortionist, with mad math skillz.
But this bun type thingy at the back of my head is no longer working for me. Wait; “bun” sounds too much like “donut,” and I like those. This thing is more like a rodent nest, smoothed into place with a pork chop. Sometimes I can feel it moving. I think the hamster may be hiding inside.
Earlier this week a woman standing at the sink in the Tim Horton’s bathroom actually recoiled in horror when I came out of the stall. I thought she was staring at the crazy lady in a mismatched velour leisure suit waiting to use the toilet, until I realized I was looking at my own reflection in the mirror.
I am now officially one toe nail clipping and a few billion dollars away from becoming Howard Hughes. If I start building walls around me with Kleenex boxes, and communicating only by yellow legal pad notes slipped under the door, somebody please make me an appointment at a real salon.
PM offered to cut my hair, but I’m not entirely comfortable with that. I’m pretty sure “cut girlfriend’s hair” comes right before “steal clothes to get measurements for suit made of her skin” on the serial murderer “how to” list.
So I bit the bullet. Actually, I bit the cork out of a bottle of Merlot, and cut it myself. I tried to make it as real a “salon” experience as I could, so I made myself sit in an uncomfortable chair, reading hair magazines from 1997 for an hour before I could be “seen.” I wrapped a tea towel around my neck, comforted my frightened children, and had at it.
The result?
Two words. And they’re not “Looks awesome.”
If you ever see me heading home from the Liquor Store, run ahead of me and hide my scissors.
Forget about Highly Irritable, how about Highly INSANE.
Cut your own hair? Oy!
I rarely go to the hair salon – part laziness, part frugality, part hatred of the whole salon experience. I cut my own hair a few months after my daughter was born. It wasn’t great, but it looked better than before, as I’m sure yours does. (By the way, no picture of the new hairdo?)
I love Tim Horton’s. We had several of them in my old town in northern Ohio, but none in our new home in the southern U.S. Dunkin’ Donuts is a very sub-par replacement for Tim’s.
Hair drama. Do we ever really make peace with our hair? By the time we finally accept it for what it is, it starts changing colors on its own and falls out. Once I tried to turn my dark brown hair blond in my own bathroom. Noone told me that I had to put another color on it after I had stripped all the color out – nor was it explained that the hair closest to the roots will bleach faster than the hair on the ends. Yeah – picture that.
Oh no!! Well, if you ever decide to attempt it again, drop me an e-mail and I’ll get you the info to my awesome hairdresser here in town. He’s FAB!!
I cut my own hair on a regular basis. It’s curly, I can get away with a lot and I avoid mirrors at all costs. It’s a system that’s working for me.
I hate the way my hair can operate perfectly and without malice for weeks and then suddenly I wake up one day and it’s suffered a huge shift in personality, all individual hairs jumping about and taking on a thin & wispy appearance.
Often feels like my hair has had a meeting overnight and decided it needs a cut IMMEDIATELY.
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