Clearly the Man Was Nuts

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A few days ago I stayed in my housecoat until 3pm and made the kids play outside so that I could indulge in a guilty pleasure for which they are far too young to witness. It’s okay though-  I left a bag of Cheesies and some juice boxes outside the door with a roll of toilet paper. Yes; I am the best mother ever.

What I did was watch a marathon of “To Serve and Protect” which is the Canadian version of “Cops” but without the cool ear-worm theme song. Or interesting crimes.

Usually this show gets no more exciting than showcasing mullet wearing guys throwing bricks through “The Beer Store” window, mullet wearing guys hunting squirrel out of season, or minor front lawn domestic disputes between mullet wearing spouses. Whatever the circumstance, all episodes tend to end in true amicable Canadian fashion – with everyone holding hands and singing “I Believe the Children are the Future.”

But this marathon was going to be special. I could feel it. And I must say, the producers did not disappoint.  The highlight of the series was the episode where they found a man behind a dumpster, covered in blood from the waist down. He was drunk but completely coherent. The man was very apologetic about the trouble he was causing, and said that he just wanted to be left alone.

The police were having some trouble locating the source of his injury until he finally confessed that he had CUT OFF ONE OF HIS TESTICLES WITH THE RUSTY LID OF AN OLD TUNA CAN.

I know what you are thinking, because I was thinking it too.

Isn’t this guy worried about tetanus?

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Filed under Family, Parenting, Procrastination tactic, Television

Tags: Canada, kids, Parenting, procrastination, Television, tetanus, tuna